Winnie and Nelson Mandela

Portrait of a marriage

Let us take a minute to remember those who died during the struggle against Apartheid.

Steve Biko, and thousands of unknown South Africans who died fighting for their country.

I salute you today!

May your efforts inspire this generation and the next to come to build a South Africa that is worth living for all its citizens.

This is a book about Nelson and Winnie Mandela, but it was more than that. For the first time, I saw Apartheid in the most personal way. The way it ruined lives, the way it ruined families, and the way it ruined Nelson and Winnie. Apartheid was evil. One of the most evil creations in human history.

The Mandela we remember is the calm figure, the man who never showed any anger, the man who never said any bad words against his captors. In fact, he went to see the widow of the man who imprisoned him. He forgave everyone. But there was one moment when Mandela lost it. It was during the Nobel Peace Prize dinner. President F.W De Klerk stood up to make a speech, and then he went ahead and said that both sides had made mistakes and that there was enough blame to go around. When Mandela’s turn to speak came, his face was visibly angry. He tore into De Klerk and narrated the cost of Apartheid on the lives of South Africans and the evil it has done. It was the only time in Mandela’s post-prison years that he ever spoke with such anger. What triggered it? De Klerk tried to underrate the suffering of the blacks.

Through this book, you see how Apartheid destroyed the lives of the Mandelas.

I am a thorough Mandela fanboy. I’ve read four bio biographies and autobiographies of the great man. Long Walk To Freedom was the first book that I dodged classes for. I was down with it in 3 days. I couldn’t stop. Mandela baptized me into political consciousness.

After reading Martin Meredith’s bio of Mandela, I asked the question, “Was it worth it? The price his family paid was it worth it?”. This book was a sort of exploration of that theme. And much more.

Winnie and Nelson were got married in 1958. In 1962, Nelson Mandela was arrested and for the next 27 years he was in prison. They were married for 38 years. He was in prison for 27 years! He gave up his life for the struggle, and Winnie did too. The consequences of this on their family is shattering. By the time Mandela walked out of prison in 1990, there was no family again. It was constant bickering until eventually they divorced.

What kind of people did they become during those 27 years in prison? It was horrible. Horrible. This part tore me. As I read some pages, I will close the book, take a walk and return. It was the most famous marriage in South Africa, and it may continue to be, but it is also the most tumultuous, the most tragic and the most unbearable. When Mandela got to prison, he had first conceived the thoughts of divorcing Winnie after he learned she had worked with some government informants who were bent on destroying the ANC, unknowingly. I was shocked to find out that for most of his life, Mandela believed Winnie betrayed him, leading to his arrest. He was so livid he made plans to divorce her. It was his mentor and friend, Walter Sisulu, that dissuaded him. Sisulu saved the marriage. More than 2 decades later, it was Sisulu who nudged Mandela to divorce Winnie. What had changed? The activities of Winnie during the apartheid regime were despicable. The killing squad she maintained, the spies that she housed, and the nonchalance she raised their kids with. It turns out that even the coach of the Mandela United Football Club was a government spy. Eventually, Winnie got into trouble with the Methodist Church. It was the only institution that could stand against her. It did. Thus began the downward spiral of Winnie Mandela.

The unsurprising thing was how Mandela tried to defend and protect Winnie at first. Damn it! It irked all the ANC top parastatals. They knew more than he knew, but they couldn’t talk him down, and he was too blind to see. He used his authority to organize for her to win a seat at the ANC, his name was used to get weapons for her, his name was used to get witnesses against her to leave the country, and when others tried to criticize her, Mandela was unashamedly for Winnie. He made calls that he never made in his life. All for Winnie, Darling Winnie.

When the time for the divorce came, he gave one of the saddest press conference in history. He praised the legacy of Winnie, and ended by announcing they were divorcing. His final words were the most shattering. “Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you will appreciate the pain I have gone through and now I end the interview.” No one in the crowded room could ask a question. They were also hit by the sadness of it all.

I used to be more judgmental of Winnie. I used to blame her. Perhaps because I’ve mostly read biographies of Mandela, not Winnie, but this book made me understand her. I still hold my views about her, and like Nelson, Sisulu, Thabo, and all the others, but now I understand her. I see where it came from. Bishop Desmond Tutu put it best when he said no one can know what happened to Winnie during those years of struggle. She suffered beyond words; how can we decide how she would have reacted in those dangerous times? Apartheid made all of this.

Of course, there was the part that was inherently her character. Even before Nelson went to prison, the signs of a Winnie who was not a normal housewife were apparent. Winnie had a lover who was sleeping with her even during the courtship with Mandela. When she told him she was marrying Mandela, he tried to kill himself. It was Nelson that rushed her to see him at the hospital. So you see, the seeds were all there.

Nelson himself was no saint. He was well known as a ladies man. Even after he came out of prison, he was flirting. His first marriage ended because of his extramarital affairs. Evelyn could not take it.
But perhaps even beyond this, these two would have at least enjoyed some semblance of a middle-class married life. We see a glimpse of what could have been towards the end of Nelson’s life. In his final years, he would often wake up in the middle of the night calling Winnie’s name. At that point, he was already married to Grace Machel, the widow of Samora Machel. She had brought great order to his family life, and he cherished her. They cherished each other. But Winnie. Winnie. She was his true love. Grace invited Winnie to come stay by his side. It is reported that when he died, he died in Winnie’s arms.

Thus, the struggle ended. The struggle for a beautiful married home.

I hate Apartheid, man. I was angry most of the time while reading this.

This is not a book for seeing a model of a marriage. It is a book that shows what marriage should never be allowed to become. The author is very sympathetic. Very sympathetic to Nelson and Winnie.

You can’t hate them when you are done. You hate the system that created them.

This is a book that politicians, public figures, and activists need to read. Each time you choose a high road, there are consequences. Do you want that? Can you live with it?

Honestly, I can’t.

Thank you Jonny Steinberg for writing such a wonderful book. The research that went into this book is incredible. Even as you read, you realize that the author had to turn the world upside down to have gotten this information. You’ve given us a great book.

There is one final thought I have. This book talks about something else subtly. The vision for the future south Africa. And humanity. Do we want a future that never forgives or do we want a future where forgiveness is possible? I leave that up to you. The political lives of Winnie and Nelson will continue to rise and fall depending on that debate.