A Review of Troubled by Rob Henderson

“When adults let children down, children learn to let themselves down.”

Now, this is a good book.

Every word counted. Every sentence says something meaningful. Memoirs should read like this.

This is a book for everyone who wants to understand what stable parenting can do to a person.

This is a book for all the men who want to live a solid life.

This is a book for those of us from the trenches.

Family background is not the verdict of destiny.

Robert Kim Henderson grew up in families that made him feel unwanted and unloved. He was constantly on the move; he got so used to it that he shut down his emotions. Shutting down his emotions led to shutting down his life, technically.

Because he didn’t have adults to make him sit up, he decided not to sit up. He was notorious, nonchalant and treated life with disregard. All the things that mattered, such as academic performance, commitment, etc., didn’t matter to Rob and his friends. He was a brilliant chap. He learned to read and mastered it quite early, yet his academic records didn’t show this. His circle was not just a gang of kids; it was the gang that would ruin a person. It almost ruined him. He got addicted to drugs, made many poor choices, and just lived a life without any reflection.

After graduating high school, he joined the army. It was in the army that his transformation happened. Before the change really happened, he ended up in rehab. It was a slow, painful process.

The great thing about this book is not just the wonderful storytelling, it is also the wise things that Rob says in between.

I took so many highlights, here are a few;

“Credentials and money are not antidotes to the lingering effects of childhood maltreatment.”

“When adults let children down, children learn to let themselves down.”

“Just because you know something will benefit you doesn’t mean you’ll actually do it.”

“We could never advance in our relationship because of my fundamental unwillingness to disclose the intimate details of my early life.”

“Growing up switching families all the time and seeing all the divorces and separations and remarriages had furnished a few lessons about relationships: never get too attached to anyone, be prepared to walk away at a moment’s notice, and everyone is replaceable.”

“I wondered whether it was a coincidence that Tyler, Cristian, and I found ourselves either incarcerated or in rehab, and none of us had fathers in our lives. In contrast, John, Tom, and Antonio grew up with their dads and never entered such institutions.”

“When something dramatic happens to people and they subsequently attempt to implement positive change in their lives, for the first few weeks it’s easy to stand tall and believe in their transformation: this is who I will be from now on. But that transformation requires constant work. Erosion is an inevitability, as New Year’s resolutions remind us each year, unless we’re willing to put in the effort required to keep things up.”

Enough. There are so many good lines in there. I took more highlights than any other memoir I read this year.

This is a book you should read. The story and the lessons will stay with you.

If you are struggling to turn around your life or struggling with an addiction, better get this one ASAP. It may be the book that truly changes your life.